After 27 Years of Marriage

Last week I was out of the office for some time off and celebrating twenty-seven years of being married to the wonderful Stephanie. We took some time to just slow down and rest and enjoy being with each other. As we did we talked about things that have happened in our lives over the last twenty-seven years. We talked about our wedding day and the planning along with the decisions we made thinking we were all grown up. We laughed and shook our head over some things we did. I have to admit there are things I shudder over my decisions and I can’t believe I made some of the choices for us that I made. So as I looked back over the last twenty-seven years of being married to the same wonderful lady here are some thoughts of mine.


• I wish I had not been so consumed with what other people thought of me to the place I put Stephanie’s feeling further down the list in my younger days. I was consumed in the beginning of our marriage with other people’s thoughts of me so much so that at times I seemed not to care what Stephanie might think. I remind each of you married or thinking of getting married to put you mates feeling and desires on the front burner of your life. Right behind your relationship with God and then keep their feelings and needs there. Today, how Stephanie feels about something and what her desires are trump everyone else, even my children, she is my number one for real!

• I wish I had really understood the scripture in Ephesians 5:25-28 in the beginning of my marriage. Here the husband is commanded by the Word of God to love his wife like God loves the Church! Stop and think on that guys, how much do you really think God cares for the Church? Remember the Church is God’s plan, dream and vision to not only touch this world for Him but He is spending all of this earth’s time preparing a place for the Church to be with Him forever. The Almighty orders His desires and plans around His desires for the Church. The Apostle Paul said God loved it so much that He died for it. The cross was the results of God’s love for His Church, His bride. There is no other in God’s life or mind. So fellows, are you living your daily life with your wife in total focus? Do you love you wife like God loves the church? If not can you get to heaven by disregarding the scriptures? I wish I had really understood this early on. I today try to live out my life loving and living for Stephanie like I feel God must love His church. Really there is no end to such a feeling. Also ladies, you are to love your husband and respond to him with respect and love like the Church should be responding to God. I challenge you to look at your actions, your everyday actions and see how you are doing with these verses of scripture in Ephesians chapter 5. On that note, don’t come to me to criticize Stephanie, I plan to respond to you like God would respond to those who would degrade His Church. You read your Bible and figure that one out.

• I wish I would have continued to court Stephanie once we were married. In our early days of marriage I tried to move quickly from the courting to being a married man. I started acting all grown up and in charge. I often forgot to include her and assumed and expected her to just tag along behind. Today when I see young married couples still crazy over each other and I watch young men continue to court the lady of their life, I want to run to them and give them a high-five. At the same time I want to scream at all the weird couples who are forgetting the wonderful person by their side, to look at what they are missing. Today I try hard to keep the courting alive and well in our life. I still try to get the door for her and walk by her side when in public places. I try to wait until she is seated, open the car door for her and see how her day is going. No, I’m not perfect but I am trying because I am going to make up for all my stupid days that I can.

• I wish I had learned how important fun was in the beginning of my marriage. Again I did what many do in marriage. I lived like fun was immature. That is SO Stupid! When we were dating I would plan dates so that we could have fun together. In my office today are two pictures of Stephanie I took on a date we had walking through a garden in Louisiana. I can remember so many details of that day to this very moment. I cherish the two little pictures in my office that I took that day. The question is why don’t I have more pictures? The answer is I got married not long after and stopped planning to have fun. When people get married they seem to sprint to become as “normal” as possible as soon as possible. Guess what- normal is the pits! The last thing I want to be after twenty-seven years of marriage is normal! So I challenge you to laugh more and plan on having fun being married, I am.

• I wish I had realized early on that marriage takes work to make it work. Early on I guess I just thought that you get married and it works out. Such a dumb feeling. I can still remember reading my first book on how to improve my marriage. It seemed to leave me with a feeling of wow, I didn’t know that. I can remember walking away from it thinking if I will work at this it will get even better. Since then I have studied and read on how to improve my marriage. I read one speaker’s notes on this. He said couples come to him and say, pastor marriage is so hard! His response is always, duh... and water is soooo wet! Yes, it’s hard; if it were easy then 50% of all marriages would not be ending in divorce! I now know I will not achieve a successful marriage by accident, it will be intentional.

My wish list goes on and on. I can’t go back and redo anything but I can make a big difference from here on. Which I am planning and doing. I heard a speaker once say that you should grow old doing three things.


First, get really close to God. Grow your relationship with Him in a powerful fashion, you will soon meet Him.

Second, get really close to your mate. It will all too soon be just you and them and you want to be sitting with someone you are really close to and love being with as the sun sets in your life.

Third, take lots of pictures with you and you mate in them. Someday you will need them to take a joyful and pleasant stroll down memory lane because you can never go back and do the walk again.

Here are three questions you should ask your mate ever-so-often. I have found that the answers change with time so it’s important that you know the answers at the time of life you are walking in. Ask your companion:

What do you worry most about?
What do I do that really bothers you?
What is your greatest dream?
Now try to help ease their worry, stop doing what’s making them uncomfortable, and do what you can to make their dream come true.
I dare you to read the book, His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard Harley and do the questions and work sheets in the back of the book. No matter how long you have been married it will change your marriage for the better if you follow it. I DARE you!
And Stephanie thanks for the wonderful 27 years! I wouldn’t have missed it for the world!